Social Dancing Gripes - Leader’s Issue

I'm probably going to stir the waters with this one but it needs to be said. There are just certain things that really annoy me when it comes to social dancing and I'm sick of it. First, I'm going to start with the leaders. And fellas, before you start going off on me, just know that I'm going to harangue the followers as well. So here it goes:

Leaders:

1. If you ask someone to dance and they agree, you must, MUST, take care of them. When someone consents to dance, they are putting their well-being into your hands. Think about it. You are (for those 3 mins) in control of their whole body. You decide when they spin and how many times. You decide if you want to do a cross body lead, put them in a hammer lock, dip them, stop them, walk them forward...everything! Yes they have some say, but in the most fundamental concept that this fleeting relationship is based on; you lead, they follow. They’re putting their entire trust into that agreement dancing with you. ESPECIALLY if they don’t know you. Do you leaders understand the risk the followers are putting themselves into? Knowing this, ask yourself: Would I dance with me?

2. The second thing that bothers me relates to the first: A leader who just learned a new move and is eager to try it out without fully understanding how to apply it. PLEASE for the love my shoulders, PRACTICE your new move 100 times. Then practice it some more. Practice it on different followers with different body types. Get their opinion. What felt good? What didn't feel good? Was the lead clear? Yes you practiced it in class and the instructor broke it down but maybe you missed something. Maybe there wasn't enough time to go into every detail of the move. Think about the movement fundamentally. Where is my body weight? Where are my hips? How are my hands positioned? What are my points of contact? I can't count the number of times I've had to literally bend over backwards just to accommodate the leader’s poor execution of a turn pattern. Don't try to impress me with a cool move. I'm sorry, but we are not going to want to dance with you again if we feel like our arms are going to be torn from their sockets. And believe me, we remember!

3. The last thing that really bothers me that deserves an entire paragraph is when the leader is all into himself when he dances. Ummm hello???? It takes two to salsa! I understand a leader looking away during a move to make sure that the path is clear for the next move - making sure I'm not running into anyone or anything. (Ahem!) That's fine and I appreciate it. However, if I catch you looking around the room to see who's watching you or even worse, who's going to be your next partner, I have half a mind to walk right off the dance floor. First, let me remind you that you asked me to dance (and even if I asked you, don't get all cocky). My acceptance is not the end of the story; it's just the beginning. It's your job to show me a good time while dancing. Smile at me, flirt with me, bring me into your world, your style of dancing. If you do, I will gladly smile at you, flirt back, and try and keep up my side of this (physical) conversation.

Here are a few of my other pet peeves that bear mentioning:

4. It's not ALL about partnerwork. Breakaway for some shines and show me what you got! (and at the right moment too!)

5. Don't pull out the most complicated moves first. Start off easy. Don't be a one-minute man.

6. Don't tell me what you're going to do before you do it. It's dancing! Speak with your moves.

7. If you see a follower chugging water and breathing heavily, give them some time to recuperate. Wait for the following song before asking them to dance.

8. If you ask someone to dance and they refuse, don't take it personal (unless you fall into pet peeve number 2 or 3). Maybe they’re tired (refer back to 7). Maybe they’re cooling down to go home.

9. I want to dance with you, not smell you.

10. Don't manhandle the follower. We don't like it.

Actually, let me elaborate a little on number 10.

You ask someone to dance and after a couple of cross body leads and single rights, you realize that they’re not as experienced as you. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try to push them to keep up with you. Why? Well, for one thing they my end up hurting you with an elbow to the face or a heel to the foot - not pretty. They could also hurt themselves. So, instead of manhandling them, give them partnerwork they can handle and maybe challenge them with a slight variation. I promise they will be forever grateful that you showed them a good time despite being less experienced. In the end, this situation is more of a test of the leader's dancing ability than how well they followed.

If you have any issues with what I wrote above, I'm open for debate - whether in writing or on the dance floor. :)